Under The Sparrow's Wing
by GoddessofSnark
Summary: Barbossa reflects on how he should have never done what he did.


Disclaimer-I don't own PotC, Disney does, please don't sue me!  
  
Summary-Barbossa reflects on what it was like to be under the Sparrow's wing, and why he marooned Jack. Implied Slashiness.  
  
He was so beautiful so charismatic. He is everything I ever wanted to be, everything that I dreamed of. It's why I hate him so much. He's the one person on this ship, that I cannot stand, he is the one man that I hate so much that just the sight of him makes my blood boil. Or it might be that it boils for another reason. That reason is that he's so beautiful. He is perfect in every way, eh was so gorgeous. I want him so much, it's why I hate him.  
  
But look at me, I'm a decrepit old man, I'll never be much of anything. Not like he will. He's the infamous Captain Jack Sparrow, and I'm naught more than is lowly first mate. I'm not even much of a sailor. I can remember the first time I laid eyes on this boat though. It was the most beautiful ship on any sea, back when it still shone, when it still glistened, shimmered with the waves, shimmered with the sea. When its black sails wrought fear anywhere they passed.  
  
But the thing that made it most beautiful was he. He was the one that made me stow away, on board of the ship. He was only the first mate then, but you can tell that the crew respected him as much as they respected the captain. He couldn't have been more than a wee lad then. He was so young, so pretty. Even now, the last time I saw him, he still had all of that youthful vigor around him, he still had all of that vibrance that he had the first day I saw him.  
  
Now the ship seems as old as I am, now the ship is slowly turning to dust, the way that the crew, the way that I am. We're no longer human, and the ships is naught more than the only thing any of us have left. We've never had much, being pirates and all, but this ship, this was the one thing that we all had, but now, now it's worth less than we are, now it's nothing. But it's our hell; it's where we're forced to stay. This is the deepest circle of hell, reserved for us betrayers and mutineers.  
  
The one thing that I once had, the one thing I miss most is him. he took me under his wing, he was the one that taught me everything I know. He was the one that showed me how to love. Love the ocean; love the freedom that sailing gave. He was always so carefree. It was what was easiest to love about him. how no matter what happened, he could laugh it off, and keep going. He always looked on the bright side of everything, nothing could stop him.  
  
The crew all loved him, once he became captain. I became his first mate, as I had the same amount of knowledge he did. What he had that I didn't, was that he had the love of what he did with him. I had my love of him, and that was it. I listened to everything he said, and reveled in the shelter that he gave me. I was untouchable, because I was under his wing. He doted on me, as if I was a younger sibling, even though I was so much older than he was.  
  
He was the world to me, and I could sense that I came third, only to the ocean and the Pearl. But that third place was three places too low for me. I wanted to be the only one in his life; I wanted to be the only thing that he loved. I wanted him to love me like I loved him. I can't count the nights that I've laid alone, or with some unknown woman, wishing that he was the one beside me, that the other half of my bed wouldn't be cold, but rather it would be him next to me.  
  
I was so desperate to get him to love me, that I would do anything to get him to notice me. And that's what started to get the crew to turn towards me. I thought that if I could lose him the Pearl, I'd have him all too myself. But my plan backfired so miserably. Rather than lose him the Pearl. I lost him his life, I lost me my love. I lost the one that I wanted most of all because of my greed. I wasn't happy only being under Jack Sparrow's wing. I wanted to be so much more than that.  
  
There isn't a day that goes by that I don't regret what I did. but I suppose he's better off dead than cursed like I am. Now the only thing that satisfies me is the thought that I spared him this curse, this torture that the entire crew endures. Now even though food and drink don't satisfy, now even though the touch of someone that I spend the night with, male or female, doesn't satisfy, the thought of him, surviving where the crew didn't does.  
  
They all hate me now, they never much liked me, but they all thought that I could be as good of a captain as Jack was. I'm not half the captain he was, not even half the sailor, naught even half the man. He was always so much more than I was, he was always the better man, always so much better than me. He had the respect of the sailors, the love of his crew, and the charisma to lead them. I have not even half of that.  
  
What I would give just to see him again, and to tell him what I feel. But I'm too proud of a man to admit that I was wrong, that I was wrong to turn against him when he had me under his wing, that I was wrong to send him off the ship. I had been under the Sparrow's wing, and I should have never asked for more than that. 


End file.
